Archer of Death
There once was a great king that
lived in the mountains. This king had four sons but only one was truly destined
for greatness. Gregory was out in the garden tending to the plants and flowers
just as his mother asked him to when a messenger was sent for him to report to
his father’s throne room. When he arrived, he saw a man on his knees before his
father with his head bowed. He approached his father and asked what he was
there for. No sooner had he asked that his three other brothers arrived in the
throne room. The king said loudly to his sons that they were to go on a very
important mission. The king said that this man before him was plagued by demons
and furies. He then told his sons that they were to go and defeat a great number
of furies and demons. The sons looked at each other then at the king and bowed
to the king before reporting to the armory. They were each given a bow to
combat the enemy they would face. Once they said their goodbyes, they were off
to fight the demons. After a couple days on the road they ran into one of the
demons and Gregory grabbed his bow, aimed and fired at the enemy. The demon fell
from the sky, dying before it hit the ground. The man they were assisting
looked at Gregory and said he was truly amazing and nicknamed him the Archer of
Death.
The group
continued into a new city that they had never been to in the Ganges called
Ulkin. In this city the king was currently looking for a suitor that was to marry
his daughter. Gregory while exploring the city entered the gardens they had. He
had always loved a stroll the garden. He enjoyed the smell of life and the different
colors of the plants. Never had he seen such beautiful bushes and flowers.
While walking through the garden he ran across a woman that was dressed like royalty.
He was in awe and instantly fell in love when their eyes connected. He new he
needed to do whatever necessary to be with her. One of his brothers came up to
him and whispered in his ears that this woman was Elveera and that she was the
princess. Hearing this Gregory was so pleased that there was a chance of marriage
for he had heard of the test for her hand in marriage. Gregory approached the
throne room seeking to win her hand. The contest was simple, he needed to successfully
pull on the bow string of the kings bow. He grabbed the bow and pulled with all
his might snapping the bow in half. The king was furious that he had done this
and told him that since he had no respect for his bow, he was not going to be
able to wed the princess. Gregory went away ashamed and sad; never before had
he thought of his strength as a curse.
When he
got back to his campsite a messenger road in and told him that the princess had
been kidnapped. The king offered to forget his transgression if he would but
save his daughter from the Demon King. Gregory swelled with happiness at a chance
to win over his love. He agreed and set out to find his love with the help of
many loyal friends he had met along the journey. One day one of the messengers
came and told him where the princess was being held. Gregory in that instant
grabbed all the belongings he would need and rode out to meet this great evil
that had taken Elveera. Upon arrival he was greeted by a man who said he was
the king’s brother and that he would side with Gregory. Gregory was glad to
have more help and inquired about her exact location. He sent his brothers to rescue
her while he defeated the king. The Demon King roared a loud roar and rushed
Gregory yelling that Elveera was his and was to be his wife. Gregory stood his
ground and didn’t flinch in the face of oncoming danger. He grabbed his bow and
pulled back as far as he could and launched an arrow that soared true and
struck its mark. The Demon King stopped and looked down finding the arrow buried
deep into his chest he realized he had been bested. Gregory stopped standing
over the king offering a few words of respect before running to find his future
bride. Elveera wept with joy at being able to leave the Demons kingdom. She
also felt great appreciation and expressed her feelings to Gregory telling him
that she loved him from first sight. Gregory's heart swelled at this and upon
their arrival home they were both married.
Authors Notes: I changed several things from the original
firstly the names of the characters. Then I changed how instead of Gregory (Rama)
getting to wed Elveera (Sita) because he pulled back on the string breaking the
bow. I made it to where that disqualified him, and he needed to further prove
himself. I also cut out Elveera’s (Sita’s) point of view at first sight
allowing that to come up later in the story.
Bibliography: The Divine Archer, F.J Gould
I think this story could use a little more action, something that can bring more excitement to go along with the title and possibly some dialogue other than that it was very well written and thought out I also really like the twist to were he didn't immediately get the girl because it makes it seem more realistic because lets be honest no one gets the girl on the first try.
ReplyDeleteI really loved your plot twist, of him having to continue to prove himself. I didn't see it coming. Was there a reason you didn't add in some more background? The nickname may have fit a bit better after he "killed so many, so quickly" or something along those lines. Just having him kill the one, and receiving the nickname seemed a bit awkward. Also I do agree with Justdacia about some more dialog, there wasn't much to it. A bit more could help pull the reader in just a bit more. Wonderful job!
ReplyDeleteHey Dallas! Your title does a great job of initially pulling the reader into the story. From the title alone, I was able to anticipate a death in the story. However, I did not expect that plot twist of Gregory not being able to marry Elveera due to the string breaking on the bow. I also concur with Dorothy and Justdacia. Would you consider incorporating action beat dialogues? Using action beat dialogues as opposed to the traditional dialogue tags can really elevate your story to the next level. Overall, I enjoyed your rendition of the Jakata.
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