Jamie and his friends set out to spend winter vacation on
the beach. The flight was all clear off the tarmac with sunny skies and fluffy
clouds in the deep blue sky. Jamie leaned back in his seat looking out of the
window what seemed like a few hours before drifting off to sleep. He was woken
up to the plane jerking about in the sky. He screamed for his friends not
understanding what was happening. They yelled at him that the plane had been
struck by lightning and was going down. He grabbed tightly to the seat gluing
himself to the fabric hoping that it would all be over quickly. After what felt
like ages he was thrown forward in his seat as the plane made contact with the
ground. It spun in circles round and round before stopping. The next thing he
knew the plane was sinking into the ocean. The water started at his feet and
quickly rose to ankle level and then to his waist. He panicked cursing and
yelling for his friends to free themselves. He unbuckled his seat belt and
looked around hoping to see a route of escape. Off towards the back of the
plane he saw that the plane was cut in half. He made his way up the alley
fighting over people that were scurrying like rats to get free. He eventually
made it out the top and dove into the ocean to be free from the plane. He knew
that if he wanted to survive, he had to swim away from the plane as fast as he
could. Luckily for him he could see an island off in the distance. He swam with
all his strength and might for the island giving it everything he had. Eventually
Jamie felt the sand under his feet and fingers. He kept moving until he was
laying face up on the beach huffing and puffing for air. He looked around
briefly before sinking into the deep embrace of exhaustion.
Jamie awoke to one of his friends standing over him yelling
his name. He stood up quickly looking around to see only two of his friends had
made it. He asked where the others were. They said they did not make it and
only about five people survived but they were separated during swimming. Jamie sighed
and the group headed deeper into the island to see if they could find shelter
and food. Upon reaching the forest they were greeted by beautiful woman that took
them to their palace and fed and clothed them. They were so nice and beautiful
it must have been a dream. The group of boys were so seduced by the group of
women that they slept with them and eventually married them. Later one evening
when Jamie’s new wife was absent from the bed Jamie went and wandered around
looking for her. He saw her off in the distance with what seemed to be a body
of a man. He was lying face first in the dirt with her standing over him. She
threw her head back and he could see fangs protruding from her mouth and blood
dripping form her chin. He was so shocked and scared he couldn’t move. She made
her way inside and overheard her mentioning to one of the other women that her
hunt was successful and that she had a lot to eat. The woman she was talking to
laughed and said that she would now have to find a new mate since hers had
perished. She asked Jamie’s wife if she could have a bit of Jamie. Jamie’s wife
said why not they were just men after all.
Jamie ran quickly to each of his friends houses and warned
them trying to get them to follow him. He told them of what they were and how
they had to leave. His friends agreed and they set out to find a way off the
island. On the other side of the island they were greeted by a group of men
that said they were the sworn enemy of the evil women that had taken them
hostage. They joined up and got them off the island to freedom.
Authors Note: I decided to keep the main characters as men
but change up the temptresses from goblins to vampires. I thought it would be a
bit more seductive then goblins. I also changed the ending to where they were
saved by other men who were fighting these women. They got them to safety off
the island instead of a winged horse.
Bibliography: Goblin City W.H.D. Rouse
Dallas, I liked how you rewrote Goblin City. The beginning of your story got me to tense up and the visuals you projected made it appealing. You were very descriptive with the introduction of the story, which gave your story the visuals. I also like your ending of the story due to the fact that they are all rescued and freed from the evil women.
ReplyDeleteHi Dallas, Goblin City was the story that I chose to retell so I was pretty excited to see what spin someone else put on it. I have to say that I really enjoy the modern setting and having it come from a plane crash makes the island and its inhabitants more mysterious! The switch to vampires was also interesting, I was wondering what the vampires normally use for food when there are no stranded passengers nearby? As well, does the group of fighting men live on the island or are they just getting there to attack the creatures? I really like the content of this story, but I wonder if the fast paced action of the beginning could better be illustrated with longer sentences. Overall if you were able to have more words to flesh out an already interesting idea, I think this would be a really cool story!
ReplyDeleteDallas, wow! Your story was full of twists and turns. The beginning definitely drew me in and got me excited to see exactly how this story was going to end up. The plane definitely made what was originally a fairytale feel very modern. I also chose to retell the Goblin City story. It was just so interesting and easy to imagine in different contexts. I used fairies as my bad guy in the story. I wanted to comment on how much detail you used to describe the plane ride and crash. It was so descriptive I could picture every scene in my head. I wish there would have been more about how they escaped from the vampires. It seemed too easy almost for them to escape since vampires are usually fearsome creatures. I think that overall you created a very interesting and original story that was also easily recognized.
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